Understanding and Coping with Rejection Sensitivity

Feeling Stressed About Rejection?

Have you ever texted something and immediately felt sick to your stomach because you realized that you made yourself really vulnerable and you’re worried how they’ll take it? Then you try and delete the message, but you know that they’ll see that you deleted the message and then ask you about it and now you’re in a pickle because you want to take it back but, you can’t and you just want to disappear? You spend the next however long thinking about it in the back of your mind worrying how it will go. You worry so much that you skip lunch and have to distract yourself by calling all your friends. When they finally send you a message, you’re relieved because your worst nightmare didn’t come true. If this sounds familiar, you might have a sensitivity to rejection. I can totally relate. The above story is an actual play-by-play of a thought process I’ve had.

It's totally normal to feel nervous about being vulnerable. The point where it becomes rejection sensitivity is when you can’t shake the feelings and it starts to interfere with your daily life. You might be distracted from the present moment because you’re still thinking about an interaction where the person let you down or said no. You might not be able to focus on your normal routine because you are waiting for the worst-case scenario to play out. Or you might engage in non-productive self-soothing behaviors.

The dry definition of rejection sensitivity is a tendency to overreact to a perceived rejection or criticism. This can look like fear of rejection, anticipation of rejection, or avoidance of rejection, this could influence you to engage in behaviors that will make you feel accepted, or you may withdraw from social interactions. Rejection sensitivity isn’t just limited to actual rejections, but can apply to perceived rejections. That could just be from someone not reacting in the way that you’d like them to.

This sensitivity can have an effect on your relationships, mental health, and decision-making abilities. Understanding and coping with rejection sensitivity is important to your overall well-being and happiness. This may sound daunting, but fear not, in this blog we will go over some possible origins, indicators of sensitivity, and coping strategies. Having a mindset coach work with you can help you make positive shifts in your thinking patterns. You can overcome rejection sensitivity, feel empowered, pursue your dreams, and have the relationships you want.

Origins

Journaling

Parental Influences

· Overprotectiveness: Overprotective parents may prevent their children from experiencing failure or rejection, which can lead to a lack of resilience and a heightened sensitivity to rejection in the future. Children who are not exposed to age-appropriate challenges and experiences may not develop the coping skills necessary to handle rejection in a healthy way.

· Inconsistent or unpredictable parenting: Such as inconsistent discipline or emotional responsiveness, can lead to a sense of uncertainty and unpredictability in children. This can contribute to a heightened sensitivity to rejection, as children may become hyper-vigilant for signs of potential rejection or abandonment.

· Critical or rejecting parenting: may contribute to a heightened sensitivity to rejection by reinforcing the belief that rejection is inevitable or that the child is not lovable or worthy of acceptance. Children who experience frequent criticism or rejection may internalize these negative messages and develop a negative self-concept, leading to a heightened sensitivity to rejection.

· Modeling: Parents who exhibit a high level of rejection sensitivity themselves may inadvertently model this behavior for their children. Children who observe their parents becoming highly distressed in response to perceived rejection may internalize this response and develop a similar pattern of heightened sensitivity to rejection.

Neurobiology

· Differences in brain structure and function can influence the way we process and respond to social rejection. Research has shown that the prefrontal cortex, a brain region involved in emotion regulation and decision-making, is less active in individuals who are more sensitive to rejection. This reduced prefrontal cortex activity may make it more difficult for these individuals to regulate their emotional responses to social rejection, leading to heightened feelings of anxiety or distress. (Onoda et. al.)

· Differences in the release of certain neurotransmitters, such as dopamine and serotonin, can also contribute to rejection sensitivity. People with low levels of serotonin have been shown to be more sensitive to social rejection, possibly due to the role that serotonin plays in regulating mood and emotional responses. (Mann) (Sommerville)

· Experiences of social rejection can alter the functioning of the brain, leading to increased sensitivity to future rejection. Research has shown that repeated experiences of social exclusion can activate the brain’s stress response system, leading to changes in neural circuitry that promote heightened vigilance for social threat and increased anxiety in response to potential rejection. (Beyer et. al.)

Looking for Indicators

Indicators of Rejection Sensitivity

· Hypervigilance to signs of rejection, or waiting for the other shoe to drop.

· Overreacting to a perceived rejection

· Negative self-talk

· Sensitivity to social cues

· Low self-esteem

· Difficulty regulating emotions

· Possibly interpreting neutral or positive behaviors as a rejection

· Intense emotional reactions to rejection

Coping strategies

The first step is awareness! If you’re reading this post, you’ve already gotten past the first step. You should be proud of yourself for taking the time to understand and improve your experience of the world.

The second step is acceptance. It is okay if you experience rejection sensitivity. Remember that it is not your fault that you are having these experiences, but you are responsible for your own healing and you are empowering yourself to take the steps needed to improve your quality of life! Remember that no matter what you are experiencing you are worthy of love and acceptance.

If you suspect there is a neurobiological component you can ask your doctor or psychiatrist for professional assistance.

You have the power to rewrite your internal dialogue no matter what has happened in your life. Positive affirmations can have a powerful effect on your psyche. You can get a mindset coach to help guide you through the process. Working with a coach can be very empowering because they’ve already gone through the journey and can provide support for your process. They can provide a space of no judgement with real empathy and understanding for what you’re experiencing. You are more likely to succeed with a coach keeping you accountable. They will help you stay on task when you want to give up.

Rewiring your rejection sensitive circuitry is achievable. Some side-effects of working through rejection sensitivity are increases in resilience, self-confidence, decision-making skills, and relationship quality.

What have your experiences with rejection sensitivity been like? What kind of tips would you offer someone to help them through this experience? Write your comments below and if you’re interested in getting a mindset coach, send us an email for a free consultation: axiomemergence@gmail.com